Secrets are so hard tp keep.

How do you hide something that is becoming so obvious? You just want to scream "I'm pregnant, not fat!", but technically you aren't allowed to tell. The doctor will see you at nine weeks, with his thumbs up you get to announce your, impending little bundle. Until then you are just getting fatter, going to the gym a couple times a week.
Perhaps I wouldn't be getting much bigger if it weren't for the late night cereal craving that has popped up. I can't complain, this WILL be the last time and I really do want to enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to blow up like a Macy's day float, but I want to stop sweating the scale and just try to be healthy. "Nothing Tastes As Good As Being Healthy Feels"
I must admit I did/do have some reservations about this pregnancy, but I know that will all be washed away as our next addition begins to move about in a way that I can feel. How will I manage all 3? Will even more of me be swept under the rug until I can "get around to it"? Am I just asking to be committed? And as much as I can say I will love and adore being a mommy to yet another baby boy, there is this tiny voice inside that is begging for a daughter. For me...yes, but more so for Jer. The joy of being a father to a daughter, having "Daddy's little girl", her seeing him as the biggest and strongest man ever. And I know because he is such a wonderful husband, father and man, he will be the one she compares all men too. Thank goodness she will have that and not suffer for years trying to figure out how she "should" be treated.
Of course I am realistic and I know we could very well be adding another boy to our brood, at least I will remain Queen of my castle and share my crown or jewels with no-one. Not to mention I have all the hand-me-downs a baby boy could ever need.

Zander is 1!

So his first year has past. Man it just flew by. Aside from taking a few steps, he still prefers crawling to get to his desired location. He's on a free-for-all when it comes to food, anything goes..... at least once. But no mac and cheese or hotdogs for this boy. Favorites included chicken, grapes, yogurt (especially mommy's special yogurt/granola/fruit concoction), banana, and potaoes-cooked just about anyway. I guess it could be worse, oh and icecream when he can get it.
Looking at him makes me want another baby, he just grew too fast. He's so anxious to catch up to Tristan, wants to do anything he does and be anywhere he is. But I guess that is the idealation of a big brother. Most often Tristan loves to have Zander play, engages with him and all. Then there are the time he doesn't want to share Daddy jungle gym or Mommy's lap. It's these times we try our hardest to explain sharing and what being a big brother means.
Vocals are still a hit and miss depending where you rank on the Zander-needs-o-meter. Daddy is a big one, Tistan, kack (cat), no, Mommy (when in desperate need or desperately tired), and Woos Woos (Blues Clues). Ahh yes the beloved Blues Clues. Can be my life saver some days.
Yes this year has flown by. My baby is now a toddler and I long for the days of an infant sleeping on my chest. Zander will still catch a nap on me if given the opportuniy, of course he is a lot heavier and less delicate, but my baby he will always be.

Happy Birthday T-man!

This time, 3 years to the day, I was lying in a hospital bed at Chandler regional, Jer snoozing on the couch, listening to the tiny racing heartbeat of my 1st born. I was anxious to meet him and look upon his face. I had envisioned and dreamed of it many times, and now the moment was so close. I was but a few hours from true mommy-hood and could barely contain myself. It was like I was 5 on Christmas morning! Who needed sleep and why on earth wasn't everyone else as wired and ready as me? He would finally arrive just after 11 weighing in at 7lbs 3oz and 21inches long. Quite the bundle and perfect taboot. Head full of dark hard and a glowing olive tone he no doubtedly got from his father. We were the proud parents.
Today Tristan is a racing toddler. We have had little worries, aside form the occasional cracked noggin, scrape or bruise. He is smart as a whip and just as quick. He is a big brother and still my baby. Today he is 3 and as excited as I am to see him grow and change, lost are the days of new motherhood and spending hours with him in the recliner nursing, rocking and napping. Now I am just happy if he'll take a nap, but he's still sleeping in our bed! Why is it that the best things are always so fleeting? Perhaps it's so we will stop and take a longer look knowing that this moment is more special than the bad days. Than all the bad days in one, this moment of happiness, of love, of life is so special and will never be again. We need to breathe it in and take stock of it. As today Tristan turns 3, in fact just a mere 3 hours from now, we will celebrate this day and remember those fleeting moments of new family bliss and think of the years as a family we have to come.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE T-MAN! love mommy

That's what Hawaii Girls are made of!

Happy Mommy's Day to me! I got to have the best friends a girl could have, when they will take your ass on a trip to Waikiki, Oahu Hawaii. We had a blast and tore it up like we young again. Drinking, dancing and lots of beach time.
We departed on Thursday, they picked me up before 4am, a bit overly excited. We would have a layover in Oakland, and yes start our trip off right with a morning drink. Then shuffled ourselves around a bit on the plane to have seats together, but we made it work. Could the flight there BE any longer! Arrival we found ourselves a shuttle and off we went. Unfortunately for us the hotel we chose was a bit less extravagant than their webpage promoted. No drink or lea upon arrival. Then we get to our room and instead of the requested 2 double beds we expected, there was 1 full. Are you FREAKING kidding me! Lashelle did her best to complain, she's just not bitchy enough.... insert Carrie here. After insisting they had no other rooms, but would do their best to correct their error on Friday, we accepted free Starbucks for our stay and a rollaway. Don't ask how four grown woman can all sleep on 1 full size bed and a single roll away, just use your imagination and make it work. Or maybe we were just that tired after our trip and then exploring and drinking up Waikiki til late Thursday.
But we were on the move by 7am on Friday to hit the International Market Place, of course Starbucks run first. A shoppers delight. When we finally realized it was lunch time, and only halfway through the market with bags strung from our arms, it was time to break. Drinks it is! So we found a nice little place overlooking the market that had cheap Mia Tai's and yummy nachos and we were set. Drop our bags at the hotel and back to the market, no joke. By afternoon we were done shopping, so we popped into a little bar and had.... you guessed it. More drinks and a few games of pool. A few drinks later we made our way back to the hotel for a quick change of clothes and YES a new room. Complete with 2 beds and a BEAUTIFUL ocean view! We couldn't be more pleased. We dressed and hit a street fair going on right outside our hotel that offered samples of delicious food from Waikiki's finest restaurants, some hot Polynesian dancers, lea making, a live band, and shopping. We managed to find a great poolside bar at a nearby hotel to sit and chat at until we needed to move on. A band at our lunch stop for that day proved to be a good option so we hit it up. A few drinks in a nice and large gentleman made his way over to Lacy, layed a hand on her shoulder and swatted at her long brown locks. (Due to the fantastic weather in Hawaii just about everything is "open air" so all the "natives" can just wander in. No biggie to see a gecko crawling the walls, but a GIGANTIC cockroach nose diving into Lacy's hair was just excessive. Fortunately for her this nice man had her back. We felt the need to buy him and his girl a drink for being such nice citizens. The cockroach was 86ed for annoying other patrons.
So once we were kicked from that venue, they suggested we head over to a place across the way with a dj til 4am. Well why not? Some how my drink was always full when I came off the dance floor (thanks Shelle) and eventually Lacy and I had put enough alcohol into Lashelle and Lynn to get them dancing, err yeah dancing until the lights went up and the music shut down. As Lashelle was paying the tab she decides what the hell, a shot of goldslauger it is, ALL AROUND. So we four put down our shot and began the stagger back to the hotel. Good thing that the sidewalk was empty cause we were all over it. And once outside our hotel we needed to sit and have a break, or Shelle and Lacy needed to wander off with some strange rasta guy. SO I followed across the street to supervise, then decided a 4am swim sounded better, and it felt GREAT! We hung out beachside til the sun came up. As we giggled our way through the front doors of our hotel a nice young Hawaiian lad grabbed us some warm towels, sweet boy, and we made it back to our room. I hit the balcony to get some great sunrise shots to come back in to the others all in the shower, together, and not naked. They were giggling like kiddies. After havingly to strongly decline an invite in, I slipped out to grab some breakfast for everyone and returned to all of them sleeping. Sleeping, at 7am, in Hawaii?! Not me! I ate, showered, dressed and ventured out. I ended up getting some souvenir shopping done and wandered a few local shops on the off street. I talked with some local artists about Hawaiian history and culture. Took pictures of beautiful flowers, trees and architecture. Such a marvelous time, spent alone.
Returned early afternoon and awoke the girls for some beach time, which I retired early from to get some sleep that my body was calling for. How old am I? There was a time not far ago that I could go for an entire weekend without missing a beat. Man am I old. I got away with a few hours before I was woke up to head to dinner. We all were looking far from spring chickens through-out dinner, not even finishing our drinks. Nobody even suggested stopping for a drink or club all the way back to the hotel. By the time we were in our room the consensus was "Well guess since we're here......". I slept so well that night.
Sunday, my final day. Oh sweet bitterness. Oh how I miss my boys, oh how I LOVE Hawaii. We headed out early to hike Diamond Point; an extinct crater that offers a nice little hike to reward you with a superb view of Waikiki and the ocean. Exquisite!
We decided to walk the 3 miles back to our hotel, it was all downhill. The walk provided both a senic view of residential Waikiki, but the time to discuss and decide to get tatoos from Hawaii. Back at the hotel we called to find a tatoo shop open on Sunday and close to the hotel. After lunch we walked probably two miles to get there. (All the walking helped burn off all that good island food and eat more. =) We were tatood by Michelle, a local gal. She looked 22, and was in her late 30's! She said the island air keeps you young. Something about the moisture and salt in the air. I dunno, but her skin was lovely. She had a great laugh and put a just perfectly placed orchid on my right lower leg. Lashelle got a lizard on her foot, and Lacy a sea turtle with the Hawaiin islands within the turtle- the neatest design.
We had to hoof it back to the hotel so I could get packed and changed to catch a late jet plane. I had one last shot with my Hawaii Girls before they put me on a shuttle with a crazy, old polynesian, female driver. She drove like a nutt and told all of us crazy things about the island and local happenings. The drive took longer than anticipated and I was rushed through the line at the airport to run and catch my plane.
I was seated between a rather large gentleman that was passed out beyond his "sacred seat line" and a tall skinny guy who passed out shortly after take off. I was on the red eye and sleep deprived, but the stress of my 1st solo flight combined with my discomfort of touching strangers and I'm huddled in the middle of my chair, headphones in, watching the inflight movies. I actually cried during the end of Elizabethtown, but nobody noticed CAUSE THEY WERE ALL SLEEPING. I did catch the brilliance of day coming up over the large gentleman snoring. I knew I was close to home and my 6am arrival.
What a trip. And I got to come home to my guy. Who not only took care of our boys and made sure I had money to spend, welcomed me home to a clean home and a Mother's Day gift; adorable ruby and diamond earrings. I am so spoiled! Although I don't expect to get this every year, I will always remember that my guys think I am worth it.

Hit the ground running.

It's never good to stay up late, then get up every hour with a teething baby. But when the first sound of your morning is the toddler slamming the nightstand door, and you roll to scold him to not wake the baby and land your hand in a puddle of urine in your own bed, the day is not going to be good. So my feet didn't really touch the floor as I leaped to escort my sopping tot to the comode and strip my bed before my new mattress suffered the consequences. And of course all that grumbling and hustle woke our poor teether. So I have been on the move since, well I never really looked at the clock. They were ready to eat and play, that coupled with the loads of laundry created for me and the toys and dishes needing to be properly put away, and I have been a busy bee. And then it occurred to me I had forgot to put the trash out last night, and yes I was too late this morning. SO that will be two weeks of missing trash day. That and the rising temperature outside and I would strongly suggest you avoid using the side gate at all costs.

Desperate Sleep calls for Desperate measures

So we planned a fun-loving Saturday night out. A party thrown by people we knew, good beats and lots of familiar faces. We dolled ourselves up and had a yummy Buca dinner. Arriving early was necessary to get home at a decent hour, but 9:30 is always dead. We were in South Phoenix, not the nicest nor safest neighborhood, but we found a well lit spot just down the street and parked for a bit. A well intended comment of "I should have caught a nap" from me ended with "let's just catch one now" from Jer. With doors locked, truck and ac running, we reclined our seats back and caught ourselves a quickie, nap that is.
I awoke two hours later to some chattering going on outside. I peered out to see, what to me, looked like a group of teenagers walking quickly to get to the Ice House. I took a long stretch and blink thinking I had simply dozed off moments before, to read the clock at 11:35. "Jer, if we're going in, we should do it now." His eyes popped open and sat forward. A blank stare peering out into the empty street. I didn't really want to drag my still half-sleeping self into the party, but would have gladly followed Jer in for bit. Perhaps a drink would perk me up. None the less I gladly agreed when he suggested driving home instead.
I let my eyelids droop closed my than a few times before we reached Gilbert and it never occurred to me to ask Jer if he was okay. Grandma was surprised to see us so soon and we ushered her out quickly. I hit the pillow fast and hard and picked right back up on my sleep. We snoozed until morning and laughed at ourselves the next day. "Lame old people" is what I called us. We have just moved on from that era in our lives and need to move on. We're day walkers now, with little people who would gladly get you up at 6am, but you may get lucky with 8. They don't care if you had a late night, too many drinks, danced too hard, or are just plain exhausted. It's day light and time to play. Juice please, then breakfast. Oh and my movie, you forgot to take me pee and change the little ones' diaper...........

Natural progression

Day 3 of Potty Training:
Today we've only had 4 accidents. The first day counting accidents instead of triumphs is a welcomed variant. He now seems to understand his urge and most often can make the initiative to get to the potty before the flood gates open. His first solo success was announced by the infamous Dora cry "I did it!". He has since graduated to a simpler "YaaaaY"(arms waving optional). But alas my baby looks even more like a little boy in his Superman tight-y white-ys and less of the tiny babe I gave birth too. He still crawls into my arms to cuddle upon waking, but that is fleeting for sure.
Zander is currently testing the waters for walking by experimenting with standing. What was but a quick 2-3 seconds has evolved into 20-30 with a sudden step. And of course that shook his world and he immediately plopped on his cushy behind to ponder this new.... Walking. Of course crawling is much faster at catching Daddy and big brother. So dabbling with walking will have to be reserved for Tristan's naptime or the random short moments he gets to play with Mommy or Daddy alone.
Lately I have seen Tristan evolve into a loving big brother who occasionally suffers from a bit of sibling rivalry. I can often catch moments of bliss when T-man will pull Zander onto his lap and hug him like a teddy bear. Zander usually looks at him in total puzzlement before squirming like a worm about to be shoved on a hook. Of course Tristan just wants to love his "baby brudder" and can't imagine why Zander is not content to sit as still as he. Then there are times Tristan will haul Zander out of the way by dragging him by a foot away from, oh say the open refrigerator then run past him to slam it shut sending Tiny Z into a fit of rage. He will indeed pay him back later as he sits beneath the entertainment center and cries each time Tristan attempts a sneak scaling of it to switch DVDs when he is told specifically not to. This will attract the Mommy who will be punishing said brother. "That'll teach him to drag me".
I am truly blessed with my boys and although I have some days that I really feel as though I will pull each hair out of my head, I have far more that I am completely sure I could have another. Now convincing Jer that he could is a whole nother entry.

Sensible Shoes.

The perfect top off to a long overdue pedi, is a new spring sandal. How convenient that Payless was two shops down from the salon. And as we tried on shoe after shoe, nothing was quite what I was looking for. I actually uttered the phrase "I need something sensible." Ya know, the kind of shoe that is fashionable and I can catch a racing toddler with baby on hip and run no risk of twisting an ankle. Am I actually picking my clothing based on my children? Later I pointed out the cutest skirt, but that nasal-y little voice came forward again with "I could never get on the floor and change a diaper in that". Who is this tired, obviously fashion retarded, boring motherly type emerging from within? It must be a split personality taking shape. I, Carrie Joy, would never ward off fashion for comfort. There was a time when I would cram my 8.5 into a 7.5 just to have "tinier" feet. Or cut off circulation and "suck it in" all night to wear a size or two smaller jean. Now I find myself grabbing the size up instead of down to accommodate my momma booty and have some wiggle room for floor time. Is this what happens when you have children? Along with your memory goes your sense for style? There are days I make the extra effort, but most days side on the all too convenient, cozy pants and "no bra needed" tanks. No perky boobs here! Just enough support while comfort remains #1.
So I guess all those comfy maternity clothes have ran into my dailey wardrobe. Or maybe I should slip back into those maternity clothes one more time. Then I'll have it out of my system. But I guess to do that and retain my dignity I'd have to produce yet another spawn, and that would for sure yank any chance of wearing something more than "sensible" for another 3 years.

Here's to a New Year

Here's to a New exciting year with my boys! What will this New Year bring? Perhaps the best way to predict what is coming, is to review the past.
Jer and I met nearly 12.5 years ago. That's 4565 days, give or take a leap year. In that time we both moved around, met many people, crossed paths dozens of times, married and managed to bring two new lives into the world. What a funny universe. I can still remember orientation in 7th grade. I picked him out of all the boys, all of the people in the gymnasium that day and can distinctly recall thinking " I must get to know him". And what was thought to be a school days crush has turned into the relationship of my life. He is my bestfriend, companion, lover, and partner. I just could not ever see my life without Jer in it. Appropriate that he is the father to my children. Who could ask for a better life than one with your soulmate.
Tristan is our little defyer of odds. It shows. I was told I would struggle to get pregnant after my episode with cancer. And after 2.5 years with not even a hint of precaution, we figured doctors were right. Goes to show how much doctors really know, especially when they are sure. He continues to defy, us that is. Very A-typical almost 3 year old. I did things to and for our lives that is beyond explanation. He showed us our value in eachother, made us better for eachother. Pretty exceptional, probably why I let him get away with so much.
Baby Zander, exactly what every baby should be. He has a very calm and sweet disposition. Unless of course M Mommy just walked past him instead of picking him up as he so desired. Then he is whaling in agony. But a quick toss in the air will have him chuckling that heartwarming giggle in 2 seconds flat. He is a light that shines brighter than any beacon of the night. A soul of joy and I just adore him.
So if our New Year is any reflection of our past, we are still headed in the right direction. And in this world all you can do is continue to follow your heart and it will guide you. You just have to be willing to be humble, open, honest, and brave. Oh yeah and love, lots of LOVE.