Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Great Moments of Inspiration.

For the past few days I have had a blog looming. My constant reminder peeking at me from the far corner of my cupboard. My lack of clean dishes allowing it to peep through past all the matching coffee mugs, memorabilia mugs, and random odd balls. My father's coffee cup.
A work cup that he had for more years than my memory allows. My mom has kept it and after their last move she "really didn't have space for it as her now kitchen is much smaller than the previous", so she asked if i would like it. I humbly took it and put it in the corner hidden. Every now and then it would sneak through. The Anderson Clayton logo, that yellow and black logo, catching my eye and sparking a glimmer of memory of my father. Perhaps this little, simple, POSITIVE reminder was just what I needed to allow me to put up a picture of him. It's next to the boys' room so I catch a glimpse of it daily. Almost 14 years it has taken me to get to the point of being able to think of my dad and not feel bitter anger. I tried to seldom think of him at all.
I LOVE my coffee in the morning, as did my father. I drink Folgers, as he did, and my mother still does (half caff now). The smell in the house each morning is still the essence of home to me.
The past few morning I have been thinking of the things I missed with him. Specifically what it would be like to have coffee with him. I don't miss the dad things anymore, or even the grandfather things. The kids and I have that in Curt, and far better than the job my father was doing. I miss the grown-up friendship we would have now. Like what my mom and I share. Like having coffee.