It's back to work I go on Monday. I hear that I may not have to put in two weeks in order for my maternity leave and medical to have been covered while I was out. We shall see. Although I am very excited to embark on my journey of motherhood, there is an anxiety there. I have never really been without a job for a long time. Not in the past 5 years anyway. And now to know I will not have a "job" for a few years is kinda freaky. Not that being a mom, let alone a stay at home mom is not work. It is the hardest work you can do. But without a paycheck or review and raises, how can I measure how I am doing?
I will miss my co-workers. I have been very lucky to work with a special group of people that in their own ways really do care for each other. We took great pride in our success as a team. I'll miss that. I really hope that after Jer and I rejoin civilized society I can see some of the girls on a more social basis. And speaking of that.....
We were informed this morning that we got the house we wanted. It's really nice, the amount of space we needed, green and pretty front and back and a spacious kitchen! I am so excited to move and am already planning my first dinner party!! Perhaps I will have a birthday party this year. Just an excuse to have people over, something we haven't done in a while. I will no longer be disappointed if I don't get to go to Hawaii, cause I'll have plenty to do in the new house!
Yesterday Jer and I celebrated 5 years married. We feel very lucky to be at such a great place in our relationship this early on, not that we didn't work to get here. Most people never find a place like this in a relationship, not even with their spouse. I really feel like I am getting it all; a husband that I have known for 12 years who loves and cherishes me like every woman hopes for, two beautiful, healthy boys that I now have the opportunity to stay at home with and raise, and we may actually be living in a home that is very close to what we will want to buy in the near future. But above all I am actually at a point that I can see how lucky I am and not take it for granted and for that I am truly grateful.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
If only we could bottle all that energy....
Since Tristan learned to walk I have been trying to figure out how to harness a bit of his energy, pill and bottle it. Oh the millions we could make from desperate mommies everywhere! I'm sure the same enigma parents of toddlers have for centuries been pondering. Well tonight I am posting at 12:42. The entire house has been asleep for hours. I, on the other hand, have been completely rapped up in conversation with Lashelle. God I miss living closer to her. When we were both living entirely different lives and struggling to find common ground in which to hang out on, we lived so close. And now that our lives are taking the same path and we once again have novels to share, we are entirely too far apart.
Tonight she needed to vent. Family issues of a nature I can relate. I know how during these times it is so important to have an ear to listen that is totally on your side. That's always been her for me so I am grateful for the two and a half hours of uninterrupted time I could give her tonight. She's one of those few people you find in your life that no matter how different or similar paths you walk, you have a bond that crosses into spirituality. I strongly believe that she is part of my soul group, no other way to explain it.
I am so full of thoughts after talking to her. And as I pondered where all this was coming from, it dawned on me... caffeine. I had a liter of Dr.Pepper tonight! I haven't had caffeine in quite some time, I'm like a two year old with a Hershy bar!
1am. Tristan woke and needed assistance back to bed. Probably a place I should start thinking about. I'll just add it to the plethora of topics on list this evening. Like moving. I am so ready to move an hour drive out of my life. Granted I'm sure I'll be out to visit my parents, but I won't mind that once a week-ish. To be able to actually run to the store, or walk if so inclined.
I figure at this point the baby will be waking up soon, why not wait it out. But what if he sleeps til 4am again?? So I wake him and feed him. But then I am reinforcing waking up more often to nurse! Ahh the ramblings of a sleep deprived mad woman, aka: a mom.
Tonight she needed to vent. Family issues of a nature I can relate. I know how during these times it is so important to have an ear to listen that is totally on your side. That's always been her for me so I am grateful for the two and a half hours of uninterrupted time I could give her tonight. She's one of those few people you find in your life that no matter how different or similar paths you walk, you have a bond that crosses into spirituality. I strongly believe that she is part of my soul group, no other way to explain it.
I am so full of thoughts after talking to her. And as I pondered where all this was coming from, it dawned on me... caffeine. I had a liter of Dr.Pepper tonight! I haven't had caffeine in quite some time, I'm like a two year old with a Hershy bar!
1am. Tristan woke and needed assistance back to bed. Probably a place I should start thinking about. I'll just add it to the plethora of topics on list this evening. Like moving. I am so ready to move an hour drive out of my life. Granted I'm sure I'll be out to visit my parents, but I won't mind that once a week-ish. To be able to actually run to the store, or walk if so inclined.
I figure at this point the baby will be waking up soon, why not wait it out. But what if he sleeps til 4am again?? So I wake him and feed him. But then I am reinforcing waking up more often to nurse! Ahh the ramblings of a sleep deprived mad woman, aka: a mom.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
And the COO's have it!
Zander has progressed into the little talker. Usually first thing after breakfast he can talk your ear off. Leaves me to wonder what it is he is chatting about. He has also taking a liking to mimicking facial expressions. I have yet to see Tristan catch on to our little ball of laughs, but once he does he'll have his own personal audience.
Now just because Zander has not caught Tristan's eye yet, does not mean the opposite has not happened. I was mid diaper change for Z-man, when Tristan rushed in with vital news. He babbled and yammered on frantically for a few minutes then dashed off after an abrupt "Aaa-kay!". I had heard the ooh-ing and ahh-ing going on from the floor but once I saw my wide eyed chunker I had to laugh. Poor guy was breaking his little neck trying to follow where Tristan had dashed off to, all smiles. Just makes me so excited and anxious for Zander to be hot on Tristan's heels.
As each day passes and Zander pushes the 7week mark, I am astonished at how fast time flies. As a preggie I couldn't wait another day for him to be out. And now I kick myself for each day that passes that is not caught on film. I realize that just as the days of Tristan's coo's have passed so quickly into memory, so will Zander's. And some day I will find myself digging through old photos and memories to tell their girlfriends, wives, and someday children all about my babies.
Now just because Zander has not caught Tristan's eye yet, does not mean the opposite has not happened. I was mid diaper change for Z-man, when Tristan rushed in with vital news. He babbled and yammered on frantically for a few minutes then dashed off after an abrupt "Aaa-kay!". I had heard the ooh-ing and ahh-ing going on from the floor but once I saw my wide eyed chunker I had to laugh. Poor guy was breaking his little neck trying to follow where Tristan had dashed off to, all smiles. Just makes me so excited and anxious for Zander to be hot on Tristan's heels.
As each day passes and Zander pushes the 7week mark, I am astonished at how fast time flies. As a preggie I couldn't wait another day for him to be out. And now I kick myself for each day that passes that is not caught on film. I realize that just as the days of Tristan's coo's have passed so quickly into memory, so will Zander's. And some day I will find myself digging through old photos and memories to tell their girlfriends, wives, and someday children all about my babies.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Family Bonding
Zander has become so much more aware this past week. If you catch his eye you may just get a warm fuzzy smile or a gleeful coo. He will shriek in delight and gurgle the sweetest sounds, none of which were the case today... more so this afternoon.
We had made plans to venture to the "farm", aka Jer's office. Our plans: to BBQ and swim, enjoying a family filled Fourth of July. We packed up all preparations and Zander's swing to keep him entertained. I even braved buying a new bathing suit and putting my pale body in it to swim.
I'd swear he ate all but the first half hour we were there. And in that half we unpacked, I pumped, and we decided to jump in the pool before baby awoke. Tristan was all suited up in his swim attire, the safety vest, but refused to get in the pool. He seemed to be afraid, something that has never been the case before. He has always loved to swim, but alas today he cried in torture as we begged him to swim with us.
We no sooner stopped begging the 2 year old, and the baby woke up to eat. I dried and fed him the entire 4ounces I pumped. Jer got out to cook our burgers and with cooking and eating time, 20 minutes, Zander-man was fussing again. I prepped another 2ounces but he fell back asleep. So back into the pool when...... the demanding cries of an infant withering away to nothing. Jer's turn. Z-man pounded down the 2ounces and took an additional 2.5 from me. I thought he had to be done. We swam a last little bit and Tristan was dirty and wearing thin from playing in the outdoor heat. T and I took a quick shower and dressed. I could hear Zander talking back to Jer in the living room. I knew his teasing coos were turning to hunger pains. I zipped around to clean up our mess and before I could finish I was high in demand.
I know this child does not suffer form failure to thrive; heck he looks to be 2months old! I moved up to 3-6 month clothes and may have to move up a size in diapers soon also. Does Wal-Mart happen to exchange the wrong size diapers?? I just love his fat cheeks so much; I could just munch on them! He is just a sweetie though, growing like a weed. I couldn't have asked for a better baby.
I have to throw in how proud I am of my little man. Tristan, for tackling his 2s, has done great adjusting to Zander. I know I feel worn through some days, but I am truly blessed by my family. My boys are healthy, smart, and happy. I have a wonderful husband who adores me as much as I do him. We have the same aspirations for our lives and children. When I think of what others are going through in their everyday, I realize how blissful I should be. Funny how you have to look outside, to see the beauty within.
We had made plans to venture to the "farm", aka Jer's office. Our plans: to BBQ and swim, enjoying a family filled Fourth of July. We packed up all preparations and Zander's swing to keep him entertained. I even braved buying a new bathing suit and putting my pale body in it to swim.
I'd swear he ate all but the first half hour we were there. And in that half we unpacked, I pumped, and we decided to jump in the pool before baby awoke. Tristan was all suited up in his swim attire, the safety vest, but refused to get in the pool. He seemed to be afraid, something that has never been the case before. He has always loved to swim, but alas today he cried in torture as we begged him to swim with us.
We no sooner stopped begging the 2 year old, and the baby woke up to eat. I dried and fed him the entire 4ounces I pumped. Jer got out to cook our burgers and with cooking and eating time, 20 minutes, Zander-man was fussing again. I prepped another 2ounces but he fell back asleep. So back into the pool when...... the demanding cries of an infant withering away to nothing. Jer's turn. Z-man pounded down the 2ounces and took an additional 2.5 from me. I thought he had to be done. We swam a last little bit and Tristan was dirty and wearing thin from playing in the outdoor heat. T and I took a quick shower and dressed. I could hear Zander talking back to Jer in the living room. I knew his teasing coos were turning to hunger pains. I zipped around to clean up our mess and before I could finish I was high in demand.
I know this child does not suffer form failure to thrive; heck he looks to be 2months old! I moved up to 3-6 month clothes and may have to move up a size in diapers soon also. Does Wal-Mart happen to exchange the wrong size diapers?? I just love his fat cheeks so much; I could just munch on them! He is just a sweetie though, growing like a weed. I couldn't have asked for a better baby.
I have to throw in how proud I am of my little man. Tristan, for tackling his 2s, has done great adjusting to Zander. I know I feel worn through some days, but I am truly blessed by my family. My boys are healthy, smart, and happy. I have a wonderful husband who adores me as much as I do him. We have the same aspirations for our lives and children. When I think of what others are going through in their everyday, I realize how blissful I should be. Funny how you have to look outside, to see the beauty within.
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