Starting somewhere.

I have started new blog after new blog, only to feel.... unsatisfied. So in a pathetic attempt to just start writing again, putting ah pen to paper if you will; I'm not expecting much. But what I do know is I have to start. And if scrapping the entire lot and starting over isn't gonna happen, well I might as well continue on.

Years have past since I've been here last. Oh sure, I plan to move all those random "blog" entries so it looks like I poked in every now and then. But actually I was surprised this blog was still here, AND I remembered the password. I went back and read all that I had put down and it made me remember all that I had not. There IT was! All the reasons I hadn't been blogging, all the excuses I've made for not writing, right there! It makes no difference if I write about my today... TODAY, it will really matter later down the road. It seems they don't kid about time moving faster as you get older. And with 30 beating down my door, I suddenly feel the need to be me.

How odd. The age I always thought I'd have everything figured out by, seems to be the age I finally want to start figuring me out. There is so much about me that was. Then there came all that there is of me in the role I play in the day to day. Like there is a big block wall between the artistic and fantastical girl and the reliable and consistent mother. Because of the time and space in which I became a mother I just never had an integration process. I emerged from one world, one body, one mind; to submerge into something completely different. Not that it was wrong, it was what I needed to do to get through a time in my life. And now that my head is finally bobbing above water I can see that it is now time to find a merge. I can realize dreams that I had once, but I must find he ebb and flow. And it starts here, pen to paper, practice.

Stating all over again.

I’ve been telling myself I would do this for all of 2009. I played, and procrastinated, and pondered. Then I made a zillion excuses, turned off the computer and found something else to do.

That’s the thing about suburban life, there are always things I NEED to get done. Often times they cast a dark shadow over the things I’d like to be doing. (Funny how heaping piles of laundry can block out the sun.) So that’s what this blog is about; a suburban housewife/mother of three struggling to walk the line between domestic acceptance and bohemian artist. We’re talking Martha Stewart, meets Linda Perry, meets Janis Joplin, meets Rachel Ray, meets Nancy Botwin. If they all had 3 kids, a man who works like mad, and a home in suburbia. So there’s a little of everything and anything that crosses my path or my mind during the throes of this life.