Bitter Sweet Misery.

It is still relatively early around here, all three kiddos still asleep, the youngest passing gas next to me in my bed. Yet I leapt up and dashed from my bedroom quickly this morning less I miss my besdfriend's departure. Today Lashelle and Emily will make their final push in moving to Cali. There is a big part of me that feels like it's another one of the many trips she took while staying here, but the welling tears I keep having let me know that deep down the truth hurts. And yes, she snuck out quietly this morning and I missed her.
Sure I am excited to have Mims' room back, but at a price I'm not totally ready to pay yet. Couldn't she have just moved in down the street? Did Aaron have to drag her all the way to Cali? And I didn't get a vote in this! Urbn's whining in the backyard for Lady speaks volumes for my ache right now.
Last night I refused to have the drawn out, tearful goodbye. I big hug and words of appreciation (and a touch of sarcasm) for the time she stayed with us is all I could muster. I knew that if I broke down I would beg her not to go. Make her promise to come back in a month and visit for a week or three. Tell her how hard this is gonna be on ME. But I wanted her adventure to be kicked off with delight. Her place is with her husband and his place is in California right now. I will surely be out to visit in May for her birthday.
I am at a place of peace with this. That doesn't change that today will be a day of mourning for me. I plan to take the kids to the park, giving myself a bit of quiet with my thoughts. Maybe cry a little here and there cause that's okay. Change has never been an easy thing for me, but it is always good. Jer will return tonight and comfort me. Tomorrow we will paint Mim's room and Sunday move all her stuff over. By Monday the changes will be complete and the odd emptiness that will occur after Jer returns to work may be just enough to drive me insane. The kids and I will have to adapt yet again. Six month is a long time to have your every day life turned inside out, and man will we miss it.
Thank you so much Shelle for staying with us for the past 6 months. It was fabulous, challenging, joyous, exciting and pleasantly painful. You were and continue to be a thorn in my ass and I love you for it. I was so glad we could do this for you, so glad my kids could get to know you better, so glad we could have this time before you left. You will always be a very special friend to me, no matter the people who pass through my life. Our friendship is unique in that I don't see you as a friend, you are my sister. We can be brutally honest with each other, vent, get all bent outta shape and laugh it off later. I love you not in despite of your faults, I love you for them. Because without out them you would not be the light that you are. You and your family always have a standing place in my heart, my life and my home. Please feel free to make yourself welcome anytime.