Labor day weekend came with a heap of "AH Ha" moments. We got to go out and see people we haven't seen since before Tristan was born. We took no children as it was more of an adult event, but the dogs did attend. Loki was my first "moment", that pup needs socialization and training like yesterday. He is unsure of how to play or respond to unfamiliar dogs or people. He barks at strangers both furry and human, then yelps when they initiate play. He is a stubborn one that will take work. Urbn, my dog, on the other hand is blossoming into quite a special dog. Not only was she incredibly patient and playful with the two young huskies that are still coming into their own, she protected her pup, Loki, with calm assertiveness. Not biting, but body checking the other dogs as they tried to antagonize pathetic Loki. Eventually she had to assert her dominance over one of the dogs that I saw nip both her and Loki more than a dozen times before, but she did not attack the dog. She growled and stood her ground, then stood over the submissive dog as she yelped and cried by her owner. I had to laugh, this dog was so aggressive, nipping and growling at my dogs when her owner was no where by. In fact, she seemed to feed off Loki if he yelped and fled. My good girl simply put that young husky in her place, protecting her pack. I took her back to camp and treated her to a left over Brat. I of course was looked at like a bitch by the dogs' owner since my Boxer appeared to be the aggressor. But that damn dog obviously had no training. She jumped all over me when I tried to feed my dogs, yes they were waiting patiently, she kept nipping my dogs (not nicely), was persistent at antagonizing Loki, and Urbn gave her more that a few warnings before she put her on her back. Now Robert's husky had quite a spirit also, but more manners. And her and Urbn had the same running playful energy and got along great. So Urbn is moment 2, so smart and sweet. Yet she watches after the kids, Loki included, has a passive dominance (really she could have ripped the husky's throat out), and will only take so much shit before she puts her foot down. I love my dog and need to bath that smelly fur bag so she can enjoy the inside fruits of practicing good manners and the gentleness of growing out of her puppy stage.
It didn't take me long to realize Jer and I are not the same people that used to party like that. We used most of the time to be quiet and relax without kids' or obligations demanding our attention. I didn't realize that not everyone is changed by the birth of their own child. Our children have really helped us realize the kind of people we want to be and we have started to come into our own. Finding the world so much bigger and shifting the dynamic of our priorities dramatically. I am not trying to judge, just don't understand. I believe our children were given to us to help Jer and I evolve in this life. To help us see beyond ourselves, change our spirits eternally. Perhaps that was not their lesson for this life, or perhaps they have missed it.
Moment 5 comes in the form of after-the-fact. All the prepping, money spend and cleanup that is still needing to be done, so I could spend the entire time wishing I had brought my kiddos. I really am a different person than I used to be.
Next would be the fact that my husband has a dire need for balance in his life. He works too much and is losing precious time with his young family and he struggles to stretch himself practically translucent over all the obligations he has taken on. Sometimes I think he has forgotten what he is working for. All the money doesn't matter if we have to trade him for it. I told him long ago I'd live in a shack with him, as long as we were happy. I worry we have lost that. I am eternally grateful, but fearful that the happiness I thought would be in my life right now has eluded me. I spend far to much time bitter and jealous towards his career that now absorbs the majority of his thoughts, time and energy. Not me, not the kids, not our home, but a job that doesn't even appreciate him like we do. What would happen if he neglected his job the way he has neglected us? Would they still love him, forgive his faults, welcome him and keep him as his family does? What if we responded the way they would if the tables turned? Would we hold as much value as the company?
There are more moments I'm sure, but that last one has brought about emotions I'm not ready to deal with on the Friday morning so...
