Happy Birthday T-man!

This time, 3 years to the day, I was lying in a hospital bed at Chandler regional, Jer snoozing on the couch, listening to the tiny racing heartbeat of my 1st born. I was anxious to meet him and look upon his face. I had envisioned and dreamed of it many times, and now the moment was so close. I was but a few hours from true mommy-hood and could barely contain myself. It was like I was 5 on Christmas morning! Who needed sleep and why on earth wasn't everyone else as wired and ready as me? He would finally arrive just after 11 weighing in at 7lbs 3oz and 21inches long. Quite the bundle and perfect taboot. Head full of dark hard and a glowing olive tone he no doubtedly got from his father. We were the proud parents.
Today Tristan is a racing toddler. We have had little worries, aside form the occasional cracked noggin, scrape or bruise. He is smart as a whip and just as quick. He is a big brother and still my baby. Today he is 3 and as excited as I am to see him grow and change, lost are the days of new motherhood and spending hours with him in the recliner nursing, rocking and napping. Now I am just happy if he'll take a nap, but he's still sleeping in our bed! Why is it that the best things are always so fleeting? Perhaps it's so we will stop and take a longer look knowing that this moment is more special than the bad days. Than all the bad days in one, this moment of happiness, of love, of life is so special and will never be again. We need to breathe it in and take stock of it. As today Tristan turns 3, in fact just a mere 3 hours from now, we will celebrate this day and remember those fleeting moments of new family bliss and think of the years as a family we have to come.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE T-MAN! love mommy

That's what Hawaii Girls are made of!

Happy Mommy's Day to me! I got to have the best friends a girl could have, when they will take your ass on a trip to Waikiki, Oahu Hawaii. We had a blast and tore it up like we young again. Drinking, dancing and lots of beach time.
We departed on Thursday, they picked me up before 4am, a bit overly excited. We would have a layover in Oakland, and yes start our trip off right with a morning drink. Then shuffled ourselves around a bit on the plane to have seats together, but we made it work. Could the flight there BE any longer! Arrival we found ourselves a shuttle and off we went. Unfortunately for us the hotel we chose was a bit less extravagant than their webpage promoted. No drink or lea upon arrival. Then we get to our room and instead of the requested 2 double beds we expected, there was 1 full. Are you FREAKING kidding me! Lashelle did her best to complain, she's just not bitchy enough.... insert Carrie here. After insisting they had no other rooms, but would do their best to correct their error on Friday, we accepted free Starbucks for our stay and a rollaway. Don't ask how four grown woman can all sleep on 1 full size bed and a single roll away, just use your imagination and make it work. Or maybe we were just that tired after our trip and then exploring and drinking up Waikiki til late Thursday.
But we were on the move by 7am on Friday to hit the International Market Place, of course Starbucks run first. A shoppers delight. When we finally realized it was lunch time, and only halfway through the market with bags strung from our arms, it was time to break. Drinks it is! So we found a nice little place overlooking the market that had cheap Mia Tai's and yummy nachos and we were set. Drop our bags at the hotel and back to the market, no joke. By afternoon we were done shopping, so we popped into a little bar and had.... you guessed it. More drinks and a few games of pool. A few drinks later we made our way back to the hotel for a quick change of clothes and YES a new room. Complete with 2 beds and a BEAUTIFUL ocean view! We couldn't be more pleased. We dressed and hit a street fair going on right outside our hotel that offered samples of delicious food from Waikiki's finest restaurants, some hot Polynesian dancers, lea making, a live band, and shopping. We managed to find a great poolside bar at a nearby hotel to sit and chat at until we needed to move on. A band at our lunch stop for that day proved to be a good option so we hit it up. A few drinks in a nice and large gentleman made his way over to Lacy, layed a hand on her shoulder and swatted at her long brown locks. (Due to the fantastic weather in Hawaii just about everything is "open air" so all the "natives" can just wander in. No biggie to see a gecko crawling the walls, but a GIGANTIC cockroach nose diving into Lacy's hair was just excessive. Fortunately for her this nice man had her back. We felt the need to buy him and his girl a drink for being such nice citizens. The cockroach was 86ed for annoying other patrons.
So once we were kicked from that venue, they suggested we head over to a place across the way with a dj til 4am. Well why not? Some how my drink was always full when I came off the dance floor (thanks Shelle) and eventually Lacy and I had put enough alcohol into Lashelle and Lynn to get them dancing, err yeah dancing until the lights went up and the music shut down. As Lashelle was paying the tab she decides what the hell, a shot of goldslauger it is, ALL AROUND. So we four put down our shot and began the stagger back to the hotel. Good thing that the sidewalk was empty cause we were all over it. And once outside our hotel we needed to sit and have a break, or Shelle and Lacy needed to wander off with some strange rasta guy. SO I followed across the street to supervise, then decided a 4am swim sounded better, and it felt GREAT! We hung out beachside til the sun came up. As we giggled our way through the front doors of our hotel a nice young Hawaiian lad grabbed us some warm towels, sweet boy, and we made it back to our room. I hit the balcony to get some great sunrise shots to come back in to the others all in the shower, together, and not naked. They were giggling like kiddies. After havingly to strongly decline an invite in, I slipped out to grab some breakfast for everyone and returned to all of them sleeping. Sleeping, at 7am, in Hawaii?! Not me! I ate, showered, dressed and ventured out. I ended up getting some souvenir shopping done and wandered a few local shops on the off street. I talked with some local artists about Hawaiian history and culture. Took pictures of beautiful flowers, trees and architecture. Such a marvelous time, spent alone.
Returned early afternoon and awoke the girls for some beach time, which I retired early from to get some sleep that my body was calling for. How old am I? There was a time not far ago that I could go for an entire weekend without missing a beat. Man am I old. I got away with a few hours before I was woke up to head to dinner. We all were looking far from spring chickens through-out dinner, not even finishing our drinks. Nobody even suggested stopping for a drink or club all the way back to the hotel. By the time we were in our room the consensus was "Well guess since we're here......". I slept so well that night.
Sunday, my final day. Oh sweet bitterness. Oh how I miss my boys, oh how I LOVE Hawaii. We headed out early to hike Diamond Point; an extinct crater that offers a nice little hike to reward you with a superb view of Waikiki and the ocean. Exquisite!
We decided to walk the 3 miles back to our hotel, it was all downhill. The walk provided both a senic view of residential Waikiki, but the time to discuss and decide to get tatoos from Hawaii. Back at the hotel we called to find a tatoo shop open on Sunday and close to the hotel. After lunch we walked probably two miles to get there. (All the walking helped burn off all that good island food and eat more. =) We were tatood by Michelle, a local gal. She looked 22, and was in her late 30's! She said the island air keeps you young. Something about the moisture and salt in the air. I dunno, but her skin was lovely. She had a great laugh and put a just perfectly placed orchid on my right lower leg. Lashelle got a lizard on her foot, and Lacy a sea turtle with the Hawaiin islands within the turtle- the neatest design.
We had to hoof it back to the hotel so I could get packed and changed to catch a late jet plane. I had one last shot with my Hawaii Girls before they put me on a shuttle with a crazy, old polynesian, female driver. She drove like a nutt and told all of us crazy things about the island and local happenings. The drive took longer than anticipated and I was rushed through the line at the airport to run and catch my plane.
I was seated between a rather large gentleman that was passed out beyond his "sacred seat line" and a tall skinny guy who passed out shortly after take off. I was on the red eye and sleep deprived, but the stress of my 1st solo flight combined with my discomfort of touching strangers and I'm huddled in the middle of my chair, headphones in, watching the inflight movies. I actually cried during the end of Elizabethtown, but nobody noticed CAUSE THEY WERE ALL SLEEPING. I did catch the brilliance of day coming up over the large gentleman snoring. I knew I was close to home and my 6am arrival.
What a trip. And I got to come home to my guy. Who not only took care of our boys and made sure I had money to spend, welcomed me home to a clean home and a Mother's Day gift; adorable ruby and diamond earrings. I am so spoiled! Although I don't expect to get this every year, I will always remember that my guys think I am worth it.

Hit the ground running.

It's never good to stay up late, then get up every hour with a teething baby. But when the first sound of your morning is the toddler slamming the nightstand door, and you roll to scold him to not wake the baby and land your hand in a puddle of urine in your own bed, the day is not going to be good. So my feet didn't really touch the floor as I leaped to escort my sopping tot to the comode and strip my bed before my new mattress suffered the consequences. And of course all that grumbling and hustle woke our poor teether. So I have been on the move since, well I never really looked at the clock. They were ready to eat and play, that coupled with the loads of laundry created for me and the toys and dishes needing to be properly put away, and I have been a busy bee. And then it occurred to me I had forgot to put the trash out last night, and yes I was too late this morning. SO that will be two weeks of missing trash day. That and the rising temperature outside and I would strongly suggest you avoid using the side gate at all costs.

Desperate Sleep calls for Desperate measures

So we planned a fun-loving Saturday night out. A party thrown by people we knew, good beats and lots of familiar faces. We dolled ourselves up and had a yummy Buca dinner. Arriving early was necessary to get home at a decent hour, but 9:30 is always dead. We were in South Phoenix, not the nicest nor safest neighborhood, but we found a well lit spot just down the street and parked for a bit. A well intended comment of "I should have caught a nap" from me ended with "let's just catch one now" from Jer. With doors locked, truck and ac running, we reclined our seats back and caught ourselves a quickie, nap that is.
I awoke two hours later to some chattering going on outside. I peered out to see, what to me, looked like a group of teenagers walking quickly to get to the Ice House. I took a long stretch and blink thinking I had simply dozed off moments before, to read the clock at 11:35. "Jer, if we're going in, we should do it now." His eyes popped open and sat forward. A blank stare peering out into the empty street. I didn't really want to drag my still half-sleeping self into the party, but would have gladly followed Jer in for bit. Perhaps a drink would perk me up. None the less I gladly agreed when he suggested driving home instead.
I let my eyelids droop closed my than a few times before we reached Gilbert and it never occurred to me to ask Jer if he was okay. Grandma was surprised to see us so soon and we ushered her out quickly. I hit the pillow fast and hard and picked right back up on my sleep. We snoozed until morning and laughed at ourselves the next day. "Lame old people" is what I called us. We have just moved on from that era in our lives and need to move on. We're day walkers now, with little people who would gladly get you up at 6am, but you may get lucky with 8. They don't care if you had a late night, too many drinks, danced too hard, or are just plain exhausted. It's day light and time to play. Juice please, then breakfast. Oh and my movie, you forgot to take me pee and change the little ones' diaper...........

Natural progression

Day 3 of Potty Training:
Today we've only had 4 accidents. The first day counting accidents instead of triumphs is a welcomed variant. He now seems to understand his urge and most often can make the initiative to get to the potty before the flood gates open. His first solo success was announced by the infamous Dora cry "I did it!". He has since graduated to a simpler "YaaaaY"(arms waving optional). But alas my baby looks even more like a little boy in his Superman tight-y white-ys and less of the tiny babe I gave birth too. He still crawls into my arms to cuddle upon waking, but that is fleeting for sure.
Zander is currently testing the waters for walking by experimenting with standing. What was but a quick 2-3 seconds has evolved into 20-30 with a sudden step. And of course that shook his world and he immediately plopped on his cushy behind to ponder this new.... Walking. Of course crawling is much faster at catching Daddy and big brother. So dabbling with walking will have to be reserved for Tristan's naptime or the random short moments he gets to play with Mommy or Daddy alone.
Lately I have seen Tristan evolve into a loving big brother who occasionally suffers from a bit of sibling rivalry. I can often catch moments of bliss when T-man will pull Zander onto his lap and hug him like a teddy bear. Zander usually looks at him in total puzzlement before squirming like a worm about to be shoved on a hook. Of course Tristan just wants to love his "baby brudder" and can't imagine why Zander is not content to sit as still as he. Then there are times Tristan will haul Zander out of the way by dragging him by a foot away from, oh say the open refrigerator then run past him to slam it shut sending Tiny Z into a fit of rage. He will indeed pay him back later as he sits beneath the entertainment center and cries each time Tristan attempts a sneak scaling of it to switch DVDs when he is told specifically not to. This will attract the Mommy who will be punishing said brother. "That'll teach him to drag me".
I am truly blessed with my boys and although I have some days that I really feel as though I will pull each hair out of my head, I have far more that I am completely sure I could have another. Now convincing Jer that he could is a whole nother entry.

Sensible Shoes.

The perfect top off to a long overdue pedi, is a new spring sandal. How convenient that Payless was two shops down from the salon. And as we tried on shoe after shoe, nothing was quite what I was looking for. I actually uttered the phrase "I need something sensible." Ya know, the kind of shoe that is fashionable and I can catch a racing toddler with baby on hip and run no risk of twisting an ankle. Am I actually picking my clothing based on my children? Later I pointed out the cutest skirt, but that nasal-y little voice came forward again with "I could never get on the floor and change a diaper in that". Who is this tired, obviously fashion retarded, boring motherly type emerging from within? It must be a split personality taking shape. I, Carrie Joy, would never ward off fashion for comfort. There was a time when I would cram my 8.5 into a 7.5 just to have "tinier" feet. Or cut off circulation and "suck it in" all night to wear a size or two smaller jean. Now I find myself grabbing the size up instead of down to accommodate my momma booty and have some wiggle room for floor time. Is this what happens when you have children? Along with your memory goes your sense for style? There are days I make the extra effort, but most days side on the all too convenient, cozy pants and "no bra needed" tanks. No perky boobs here! Just enough support while comfort remains #1.
So I guess all those comfy maternity clothes have ran into my dailey wardrobe. Or maybe I should slip back into those maternity clothes one more time. Then I'll have it out of my system. But I guess to do that and retain my dignity I'd have to produce yet another spawn, and that would for sure yank any chance of wearing something more than "sensible" for another 3 years.

Here's to a New Year

Here's to a New exciting year with my boys! What will this New Year bring? Perhaps the best way to predict what is coming, is to review the past.
Jer and I met nearly 12.5 years ago. That's 4565 days, give or take a leap year. In that time we both moved around, met many people, crossed paths dozens of times, married and managed to bring two new lives into the world. What a funny universe. I can still remember orientation in 7th grade. I picked him out of all the boys, all of the people in the gymnasium that day and can distinctly recall thinking " I must get to know him". And what was thought to be a school days crush has turned into the relationship of my life. He is my bestfriend, companion, lover, and partner. I just could not ever see my life without Jer in it. Appropriate that he is the father to my children. Who could ask for a better life than one with your soulmate.
Tristan is our little defyer of odds. It shows. I was told I would struggle to get pregnant after my episode with cancer. And after 2.5 years with not even a hint of precaution, we figured doctors were right. Goes to show how much doctors really know, especially when they are sure. He continues to defy, us that is. Very A-typical almost 3 year old. I did things to and for our lives that is beyond explanation. He showed us our value in eachother, made us better for eachother. Pretty exceptional, probably why I let him get away with so much.
Baby Zander, exactly what every baby should be. He has a very calm and sweet disposition. Unless of course M Mommy just walked past him instead of picking him up as he so desired. Then he is whaling in agony. But a quick toss in the air will have him chuckling that heartwarming giggle in 2 seconds flat. He is a light that shines brighter than any beacon of the night. A soul of joy and I just adore him.
So if our New Year is any reflection of our past, we are still headed in the right direction. And in this world all you can do is continue to follow your heart and it will guide you. You just have to be willing to be humble, open, honest, and brave. Oh yeah and love, lots of LOVE.

Holy Hummer Batman!

Christmas was quite the time this year. I started out saying I wouldn't buy them much this year and I now have toys from one end of the house to the other. They got several things they have shown little interest in and others that have become favorites for both of them AND the cat. It was a great day. We all congregated at my mother's and spent the day. Aunt Shelle dropped by with sweet Emily and Jack. My grandmother and her new husband came for the lunch feast along with my Aunt Jeanie and her hubby and they all surprisingly stayed for the larger part of the afternoon. And shortly before we called it a day, Judy and her family showed up. We were all shocked. Jer and I were only disappointed that for the 2nd holiday in a row we did not get to play a family game. It seems to be the best way for us all to bond, my brother and sister-in-law included.
But the big hit were the Hummers my parents bought for Bryan and Tristan. Tristan would ride for 10 feet, then jump out, ride for 10 feet then jump out. Not sure what he was doing, but it kept him busy. Aside from Zander having a small fever and his sinuses being plugged, he was an exceptional baby. He had a blast and rarely fussed. He actually spent a good amount of time entertaining others. Tristan took no nap and crashed before we got to the end of the street. Having to wake him when we got home was not fun and he actually stayed awake long enough for Grandma Sue to bring by even more presents. We had two duplicate presents, both came from Uncle Josh and one KIA thanks to Jer. He ran Tristan's new remote control Jeep right behind Bryan's hummer and it snapped the axle. This happened maybe 15min after T-man had opened it. Neil plans on taking it back to Walmart and exchanging it. We shall see.
All in all, a very Merry day.

G.I. Zander

Zander started to push up on all fours then realized there was no need to lift that round belly off the ground to proceed forward. Instead he has taken to a very effective military crawl. He once rolled to achieve his desire, but now can keep his eyes on the prize and propell forward in an increasingly rapid pace to mange his mischief. At first he stayed in the main rooms of the house, primarily near toys and Tristan. But as his spead and stamina has increased, so have his boundaries. I cannot do dishes or laundry without my pint size companion. In the beginning I was able to huridly switch the laundry and intercept him in the hall. Now he is down the hall and in the cat's bowl before I can unload the dryer. Because I shudder at the idea of him discovering the cat's litter box, I have now pulled out of the garage the oh so effective baby gate. Tristan and the cats can both scale it with great ease. But it is very effective at limiting little Z and working Mommy's thighs as I hurdle it repeatidly during the day.
Tristan is very busy at kicking ass at Halo. He is learning so quickly and will repeat just about anything these days. For instance just the other day Mommy said a not so appropriate word and Tristan, in true toddler form, spouted it back out at me. Luckily his pronunciation is not quite up to par so it sounded more like DUCK. Yes yes, we have lots of ducks around here. Ducks that SIT, in case you hear him say that also. I'm working on changing my vocabulary, so if he calls you a poo head, it means you are not a good driver. Better than a ducker I suppose.

One Tooth, Two Tooth...

They have erupted, finally! First one shiny, white point and then another. And now we have to bottom teeth. The sweet gummy baby grins of the past are gone. Now are the days of chunkier food, biter biscuits, and dare we say... Finger foods. I really didn't think he'd get a handle on them so quick. These Gerber fruit stars. Little rice puffs that taste like fruit flavored air. He spent a good twenty minutes learning to rangle the tiny things, but now he's got it down. Granted a few still go MIA into the high chair. But our wee- man is by no means picky. If Mommy is willing to rescue them, he is willing to eat them anyway. Next we try Cheerios.
The teeth have brought biting, particularly of the nipple. Probably good I have been playing with the idea of weaning. He takes formula well enough, I'm just not quite ready. We'll slowly taper it off and play it by ear. I did that with Tristan and he just gave it up one day. Granted he was a few months older, but this will be good. I'm just not myself and I'm a much better mommy when I'm back to myself and can have a bit more space. That and having my body all to myself, at least when I'm not holding, cuddling, swinging, wrestling, bouncing, well you get it. I know this from weaning Tristan and feeling like I hadn't felt in almost two years. Yes it is sad in a way. To be letting go of my baby in that sense. But I do feel close to him when he drinks from a bottle. No less either. We still cuddle. I talk to him and sit in awe of him. He is no less loved and he knows it.
With new teeth come new smiles for mommy to photograph. I have tons of gummy grins and soon billions more of his pearly new whites. My baby is so ever quickly growing into a tiny little man. No longer in constant need of mommy. But this is his body's way of expressing how ready he is to move on to bigger and less mushy foods. He is not my gummy newborn anymore.

The Hostess with the Mostess

I have to admit that I was a bit nervous about hosting Thanksgiving at our home this year. It being my first year to hostess and making the decision to invite both mine and Jer's families was almost too much.
I planned for weeks and wrote list after list. I made phone calls and follow-up phone calls, doing my best to get RSVPs and keep everyone on point. It was potluck style so I wanted to be sure there would be enough to feed everyone and have a variety that complimented each other. As the day approached I had my day planned out and a new outfit and apron even. I cleaned the whole house and kitchen and shopped days in advance to prepare.
Morning of Jer was kind enough to take T-man over to the Peterson's to romp on a giant, inflatable, obstacle course. I managed to get my shower in with Zander in a fairly good mood. Just as I was getting out, Shell and Aaron call, they are on their way. WTF! It was 12 and I told her 2! But since I rarely get her company, I won't hold it against her. No make-up, hair still wet and in my bathrobe. Shell knocks and I pass Zander off to her. (he had lost composure) Since she left Aaron in the car while the kids finished napping, she accompanied me to my room while I did something with my hair. Figuring I'd have plenty of time to get make-up on after they left and before I needed to dive into cooking, I put that off. Jer returned with an exhausted, dirty Tristan.
The next 4 hours were a blur, but these I know for fact:
1. Dinner was only 45 minutes late, perfectly timed with my mother-in-law's arrival. =)
2. I never did put my apron, bought especially for the day, and still can't find it.
3. For the most part everyone enjoyed themselves and we didn't screw it up. Jer played a pretty good host, although I hear he forgot many introductions. He did manage to keep everyone with a drink of some sort.
4. I never did put on any make-up.

So the day was a success. I can say I am proud. The boys were sweet and entertaining. They played and laughed with everyone. By evening we cleared the house and were getting our little turkeys to sleep. Perhaps I will not dread my next turn in the rotation, say in 3-5 years.

This Sucks!

When Tristan stole a drink of soda from my cup at 10 months by grabbing my straw and sucking it up I was very surprised at his ability to observe and mimic. But when Zander slobbered down the cold, bitter-sweet Jamba goodness today I was beside myself. This boy is but 5 months old and is grabbing anything and everything and shoving it into his wee mouth to devour. I figured the rubbery straw on Tristan's cup would be a safe chew toy for the boy. Little did I know he would suck up the Jamba with such furry and fight to have it back once I realized what I had done.
But it's not just the Jamba or a cup for that matter that he fights for. You have to be weary of anything you eat or drink too close to mini-munchkin. His chubby arms wave about frantically with a gentle "Uh Uh" for anything he desires. If it so happens to be close enough to snatch, he grabs on with pudgy fingers of steel and raps it up in arms. Then the ever-flowing drool spout dives full faced into it. Perhaps, just maybe he'll get a bit into his mouth. He is so excited about anything he can get his grubby paws on and mouth. So imagine the squeals of delight emerging when his almost always futile attempts resulted in that fruity smoothie goodness. I had to "cut him off" or else feel the rath of a glucose induced high from my midgit man. So I guess we can safely say he is not allergic to strawberries, pineapple, or yogurt either.
As eating goes, Zander proves to be a pro. I can see my picky eater will be Tristan and I'll have to hide food from Z. It's just a matter of time before I come in to find Zander polishing off half a cheeseburger that Tristan left about. Or perhaps some mini-Oreos and a sippy cup full of chocolate milk. Something tells me this kid will self-wean himself at 9 months once he figures out what's inside that purple cup. I'd trade up too! So unless I start producing choc-nilk or Jamba, I may lose my bitty one shortly after he crawls. In the mean time I'll stop resenting nursing and milk it for all it's worth. hehe

Time flies...

It was 5 months ago today that our sweet Zander joined our family and began enriching our lives. I can still remember waking up 6 days past due thinking I'd never be comfortable again. And by afternoon I was basking in the joy of my newborn 8lb 8oz 22in of boy. As I looked into his steely eyes I actually thought I could do this again, it really is worth it.
Today he rolls across the floor and giggles at his big brother. He eats cereal twice a day in an attempt to quench his healthy appetite. He has to be 17lbs by now! I struggle to not forget how tiny he was. How floppy he looked in his newborn clothes. Now he is spilling into 6-9month clothing with no slowing down in the future. He is on a faster pace than T.
Speaking of my ball of energy. I think 2 year olds were put in our lives to humble us. Anytime one finds themselves trying to explain why we do not squirt chocolate syrup onto the kitchen floor, then lye on our tummies nearly in it as to get a better angle to lick it up, you might start to question your ability as a parent. But when that same culprit, who will remain un-named, emerges from the bathroom in which you had him bubbled to wash off syrup. Soaking. Dripping wet and armed with a sopping loofa to aid in your efforts at cleaning up the mess. You realize that he does hear you when you repeatedly ask to help clean up. Now we have to work on applying skills when applicable; like drying off before you leave the bathroom and AFTER you have left the water and tub. (happened after I finished his bath and ran to check the baby before he shall remain nameless got out.)
It's times like these that make steam come from your ears while you are in the throws of it. But I smile even as I type this and will laugh when I tell the story years down the road. That's the kicker about motherhood; just when you think you've had your fill.... They smile and laugh and you realize they are just children and it's just carpet. You could have not had the night you had, but you wouldn't have that smile and laughter they bring. No more poopy diapers, but no more giggles of glee when you tickle, no more shrieks of joy just for your attention, no more tiny hands reaching for you just so they can be close to you. I would never trade it for the world, not even for a full nights sleep every night of my life. And yes, I could do this again.... Even the pregnancy.

In the still of the night.

It is so funny how when Jer is out of town I can't seem to get to sleep. Both boys are out, and while I should take advantage and catch some ZZZZ's before Zander wakes for his 2am feeding, I sit here with my mind all a-buzz. Perhaps I just feel more safe and settled with Jer here. Not that I get that much quality sleep lately anyway, but I sleep worse when He is not in the house.
My boys keep me so busy and throw in Owen and I barely get the time to pee during the day. Funny how the weight on my ass manages to hang on despite how little I eat and the amount of chasing, bouncing, hopping, dancing and clean-up I do. You can't see it in my legs but I do hundreds of squats a day, although all the lifting is keeping my arms looking pretty lean. But we all know how a good pair of arms looks in tight jeans. (insert sarcasm here)
So as if I have a bounty of energy to spare, we are joining a gym in an attempt to lose our baby weight, yes Jer too, and get healthy. Which in turn, I am told, will reap more energy to be had in the end. Energy I am sure my boys will find something to do with.
If only we had a home gym I could burn some insomnia on. I already did some yoga and meditation, but that always got me refreshed and going in the morning. Not to be done for winding down in my case I suppose. SO late night television, here I come.

Please Sir, May I have some more?

Just as Oliver begged for a bit more porage, my wee Zander begs/shrieks for more rice cereal. Then tops it off with a bit of booby. And as my aching back will tell you, this child does not suffer from failure to thrive. With pudgy legs all a-roll and his round little face beaming, you'd think my happy babe was about to burst at the seams, or perhaps just his Onsie is.
I look back at pics of his first days at home and remember the day I delivered 8lbs 8oz 22inches 6 days late and thought what a big boy he was compared to my T-man. But now he looks so small in those memories, swimming in his sleeper and just a tiny blob in his carrier. Now-a-days his big 'ol Flinstone feet hang past the edge of his swing and carseat. He rolls, both ways, off of his blanket and across the carpet. His eating cereal is just one more step to his everyday growth that I have the pleasures of experiencing.
Zander brings us so much joy, but he also reminds me off all that I missed with Tristan working and so overwhelmed with new motherhood. I really didn't get to take the time that I do now. I try to take pictures when I can and actually printed a load just the other day. Comparing pics of my boys taking first baths and rounding milestones, I can see the similarities and the differences more clearly. Tristan's pictures also give me a timeline of what is to be expected from Zander these next months. He will most likely crawl before Christmas and take first steps by Spring.
Each time I prepare the apple oatmeal or the banana rice cereal I am a bit sad. Sad that my baby has passed another 1st and I have one less 1st to enjoy with him. It all goes by so quickly and I often have to stop and remind myself how speedily these days will pass. Soon he will have his 1st Thanksgiving and Christmas. At which he will have his 1st encounter with all his crazy relatives. Then his 1st New Year, Valentine's, Spring, 1st words, steps, then inevitably his 1st birthday where he will pass into toddler-hood. And I will look back at these days of my little round face full of cereal and wonder what happened to my little babe?

Hawaii BABY"!

Kauai was PARADISE! We are already planning our next trip. When, we don't know. But we are certain we must return to Hawaii in general, soon. The 350+ photos are proof of our amazement and wonder. We were so taken aback by the sheer beauty and that was just the drive from the airport to the resort! The Hyatt Regency was spectacular! Now maybe it's that I have only ever stayed in hotels for the purpose of sleeping and bathing, but now that I have experienced a RESORT! You could have stayed entirely in the resort and had a memorable stay. Our room had a balcony with an ocean view, from which I nursed Zander every morning. 5.5 acres of pool and lagoon area with tons of chairs on which to lounge made days lazy. Jer and I took a day to adventure the island. In the morning we were atop one of the highest points on the island, looking out on the Napali coast! The drive to get there was filled with enough flowers and fauna to easily get lost. By evening we had trekked to the other side of the island to scope out some caves and a couple of the busiest beaches we had seen. We had gone to and seen all that being limited to a car would allow. Baby Z' was such a trooper. He held out in true Elsesser style, as long as a face was nearby. I must admit I was even surprised at how little fussing he did on the entire trip. He flew like a pro both ways and seldom complained. I must say that I am sold on returning to explore the other islands. The atmosphere can't be beat, unless you are in a rush. The weather was fabulous and apparently they were having a heat wave. We were rained on usually twice a day, and it was unseasonably dry. We had great company and will have to work hard to make our next trip as comparable.

Better late than never.

So I broke my promise of once a week, who can blame me with my schedule lately. Packing and planning for the move coming up very quickly next week has both Jer and I gitty as school girls! Our eyes light up like kiddies on Christmas when we talk about it. But just as soon as we are in and trying to arrange our lives again, we are off to Hawaii. Yes WE are off. I get to go, baby in tow. Poor T-man will have to stay with Grandma this time which I'm sure will get me a very disgruntled toddler once we return. We will be spending one whole week, departing early Tuesday morning and returning in much the same fashion leaving Hawaii on a red-eye Monday night. We are torn as to which we are more excited for; rejoining society in our spacious new abode or the beaches and tropics of Kauai. I'm sure we'll manage to love and enjoy each equally for their own aspects.
And hopefully soon Mom and Curt will move out of Egypt and we will never have to pack a lunch to make the journey. Yes I exaggerate, but it really has become torture with all the traffic and construction. I can't wait to use the expression "I'm just gonna run down to..." and truly mean it. Or actually just meet someone for lunch or a drink and it not be half the day.
Tristan will really enjoy the park just down the street. I hope we have some good neighbors. That would be nice for a change. Not that we don't have nice neighbors or haven't in the past, just some more our age with possibly something in common. I will certainly not be missing Queen Creek. Where most people have some attachment to the place they grew up, I do not. It is still the hole I spent my young years in and still holds a lot of the icky past acquaintances I don't care to run into. It is what I want it to stay, a memory. Now that I have learned to create my own reality, I prefer to push the one priorly created for me into the past.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho.....

It's back to work I go on Monday. I hear that I may not have to put in two weeks in order for my maternity leave and medical to have been covered while I was out. We shall see. Although I am very excited to embark on my journey of motherhood, there is an anxiety there. I have never really been without a job for a long time. Not in the past 5 years anyway. And now to know I will not have a "job" for a few years is kinda freaky. Not that being a mom, let alone a stay at home mom is not work. It is the hardest work you can do. But without a paycheck or review and raises, how can I measure how I am doing?
I will miss my co-workers. I have been very lucky to work with a special group of people that in their own ways really do care for each other. We took great pride in our success as a team. I'll miss that. I really hope that after Jer and I rejoin civilized society I can see some of the girls on a more social basis. And speaking of that.....
We were informed this morning that we got the house we wanted. It's really nice, the amount of space we needed, green and pretty front and back and a spacious kitchen! I am so excited to move and am already planning my first dinner party!! Perhaps I will have a birthday party this year. Just an excuse to have people over, something we haven't done in a while. I will no longer be disappointed if I don't get to go to Hawaii, cause I'll have plenty to do in the new house!
Yesterday Jer and I celebrated 5 years married. We feel very lucky to be at such a great place in our relationship this early on, not that we didn't work to get here. Most people never find a place like this in a relationship, not even with their spouse. I really feel like I am getting it all; a husband that I have known for 12 years who loves and cherishes me like every woman hopes for, two beautiful, healthy boys that I now have the opportunity to stay at home with and raise, and we may actually be living in a home that is very close to what we will want to buy in the near future. But above all I am actually at a point that I can see how lucky I am and not take it for granted and for that I am truly grateful.

If only we could bottle all that energy....

Since Tristan learned to walk I have been trying to figure out how to harness a bit of his energy, pill and bottle it. Oh the millions we could make from desperate mommies everywhere! I'm sure the same enigma parents of toddlers have for centuries been pondering. Well tonight I am posting at 12:42. The entire house has been asleep for hours. I, on the other hand, have been completely rapped up in conversation with Lashelle. God I miss living closer to her. When we were both living entirely different lives and struggling to find common ground in which to hang out on, we lived so close. And now that our lives are taking the same path and we once again have novels to share, we are entirely too far apart.
Tonight she needed to vent. Family issues of a nature I can relate. I know how during these times it is so important to have an ear to listen that is totally on your side. That's always been her for me so I am grateful for the two and a half hours of uninterrupted time I could give her tonight. She's one of those few people you find in your life that no matter how different or similar paths you walk, you have a bond that crosses into spirituality. I strongly believe that she is part of my soul group, no other way to explain it.
I am so full of thoughts after talking to her. And as I pondered where all this was coming from, it dawned on me... caffeine. I had a liter of Dr.Pepper tonight! I haven't had caffeine in quite some time, I'm like a two year old with a Hershy bar!
1am. Tristan woke and needed assistance back to bed. Probably a place I should start thinking about. I'll just add it to the plethora of topics on list this evening. Like moving. I am so ready to move an hour drive out of my life. Granted I'm sure I'll be out to visit my parents, but I won't mind that once a week-ish. To be able to actually run to the store, or walk if so inclined.
I figure at this point the baby will be waking up soon, why not wait it out. But what if he sleeps til 4am again?? So I wake him and feed him. But then I am reinforcing waking up more often to nurse! Ahh the ramblings of a sleep deprived mad woman, aka: a mom.

And the COO's have it!

Zander has progressed into the little talker. Usually first thing after breakfast he can talk your ear off. Leaves me to wonder what it is he is chatting about. He has also taking a liking to mimicking facial expressions. I have yet to see Tristan catch on to our little ball of laughs, but once he does he'll have his own personal audience.
Now just because Zander has not caught Tristan's eye yet, does not mean the opposite has not happened. I was mid diaper change for Z-man, when Tristan rushed in with vital news. He babbled and yammered on frantically for a few minutes then dashed off after an abrupt "Aaa-kay!". I had heard the ooh-ing and ahh-ing going on from the floor but once I saw my wide eyed chunker I had to laugh. Poor guy was breaking his little neck trying to follow where Tristan had dashed off to, all smiles. Just makes me so excited and anxious for Zander to be hot on Tristan's heels.
As each day passes and Zander pushes the 7week mark, I am astonished at how fast time flies. As a preggie I couldn't wait another day for him to be out. And now I kick myself for each day that passes that is not caught on film. I realize that just as the days of Tristan's coo's have passed so quickly into memory, so will Zander's. And some day I will find myself digging through old photos and memories to tell their girlfriends, wives, and someday children all about my babies.