Time flies...

It was 5 months ago today that our sweet Zander joined our family and began enriching our lives. I can still remember waking up 6 days past due thinking I'd never be comfortable again. And by afternoon I was basking in the joy of my newborn 8lb 8oz 22in of boy. As I looked into his steely eyes I actually thought I could do this again, it really is worth it.
Today he rolls across the floor and giggles at his big brother. He eats cereal twice a day in an attempt to quench his healthy appetite. He has to be 17lbs by now! I struggle to not forget how tiny he was. How floppy he looked in his newborn clothes. Now he is spilling into 6-9month clothing with no slowing down in the future. He is on a faster pace than T.
Speaking of my ball of energy. I think 2 year olds were put in our lives to humble us. Anytime one finds themselves trying to explain why we do not squirt chocolate syrup onto the kitchen floor, then lye on our tummies nearly in it as to get a better angle to lick it up, you might start to question your ability as a parent. But when that same culprit, who will remain un-named, emerges from the bathroom in which you had him bubbled to wash off syrup. Soaking. Dripping wet and armed with a sopping loofa to aid in your efforts at cleaning up the mess. You realize that he does hear you when you repeatedly ask to help clean up. Now we have to work on applying skills when applicable; like drying off before you leave the bathroom and AFTER you have left the water and tub. (happened after I finished his bath and ran to check the baby before he shall remain nameless got out.)
It's times like these that make steam come from your ears while you are in the throws of it. But I smile even as I type this and will laugh when I tell the story years down the road. That's the kicker about motherhood; just when you think you've had your fill.... They smile and laugh and you realize they are just children and it's just carpet. You could have not had the night you had, but you wouldn't have that smile and laughter they bring. No more poopy diapers, but no more giggles of glee when you tickle, no more shrieks of joy just for your attention, no more tiny hands reaching for you just so they can be close to you. I would never trade it for the world, not even for a full nights sleep every night of my life. And yes, I could do this again.... Even the pregnancy.

In the still of the night.

It is so funny how when Jer is out of town I can't seem to get to sleep. Both boys are out, and while I should take advantage and catch some ZZZZ's before Zander wakes for his 2am feeding, I sit here with my mind all a-buzz. Perhaps I just feel more safe and settled with Jer here. Not that I get that much quality sleep lately anyway, but I sleep worse when He is not in the house.
My boys keep me so busy and throw in Owen and I barely get the time to pee during the day. Funny how the weight on my ass manages to hang on despite how little I eat and the amount of chasing, bouncing, hopping, dancing and clean-up I do. You can't see it in my legs but I do hundreds of squats a day, although all the lifting is keeping my arms looking pretty lean. But we all know how a good pair of arms looks in tight jeans. (insert sarcasm here)
So as if I have a bounty of energy to spare, we are joining a gym in an attempt to lose our baby weight, yes Jer too, and get healthy. Which in turn, I am told, will reap more energy to be had in the end. Energy I am sure my boys will find something to do with.
If only we had a home gym I could burn some insomnia on. I already did some yoga and meditation, but that always got me refreshed and going in the morning. Not to be done for winding down in my case I suppose. SO late night television, here I come.

Please Sir, May I have some more?

Just as Oliver begged for a bit more porage, my wee Zander begs/shrieks for more rice cereal. Then tops it off with a bit of booby. And as my aching back will tell you, this child does not suffer from failure to thrive. With pudgy legs all a-roll and his round little face beaming, you'd think my happy babe was about to burst at the seams, or perhaps just his Onsie is.
I look back at pics of his first days at home and remember the day I delivered 8lbs 8oz 22inches 6 days late and thought what a big boy he was compared to my T-man. But now he looks so small in those memories, swimming in his sleeper and just a tiny blob in his carrier. Now-a-days his big 'ol Flinstone feet hang past the edge of his swing and carseat. He rolls, both ways, off of his blanket and across the carpet. His eating cereal is just one more step to his everyday growth that I have the pleasures of experiencing.
Zander brings us so much joy, but he also reminds me off all that I missed with Tristan working and so overwhelmed with new motherhood. I really didn't get to take the time that I do now. I try to take pictures when I can and actually printed a load just the other day. Comparing pics of my boys taking first baths and rounding milestones, I can see the similarities and the differences more clearly. Tristan's pictures also give me a timeline of what is to be expected from Zander these next months. He will most likely crawl before Christmas and take first steps by Spring.
Each time I prepare the apple oatmeal or the banana rice cereal I am a bit sad. Sad that my baby has passed another 1st and I have one less 1st to enjoy with him. It all goes by so quickly and I often have to stop and remind myself how speedily these days will pass. Soon he will have his 1st Thanksgiving and Christmas. At which he will have his 1st encounter with all his crazy relatives. Then his 1st New Year, Valentine's, Spring, 1st words, steps, then inevitably his 1st birthday where he will pass into toddler-hood. And I will look back at these days of my little round face full of cereal and wonder what happened to my little babe?

Hawaii BABY"!

Kauai was PARADISE! We are already planning our next trip. When, we don't know. But we are certain we must return to Hawaii in general, soon. The 350+ photos are proof of our amazement and wonder. We were so taken aback by the sheer beauty and that was just the drive from the airport to the resort! The Hyatt Regency was spectacular! Now maybe it's that I have only ever stayed in hotels for the purpose of sleeping and bathing, but now that I have experienced a RESORT! You could have stayed entirely in the resort and had a memorable stay. Our room had a balcony with an ocean view, from which I nursed Zander every morning. 5.5 acres of pool and lagoon area with tons of chairs on which to lounge made days lazy. Jer and I took a day to adventure the island. In the morning we were atop one of the highest points on the island, looking out on the Napali coast! The drive to get there was filled with enough flowers and fauna to easily get lost. By evening we had trekked to the other side of the island to scope out some caves and a couple of the busiest beaches we had seen. We had gone to and seen all that being limited to a car would allow. Baby Z' was such a trooper. He held out in true Elsesser style, as long as a face was nearby. I must admit I was even surprised at how little fussing he did on the entire trip. He flew like a pro both ways and seldom complained. I must say that I am sold on returning to explore the other islands. The atmosphere can't be beat, unless you are in a rush. The weather was fabulous and apparently they were having a heat wave. We were rained on usually twice a day, and it was unseasonably dry. We had great company and will have to work hard to make our next trip as comparable.

Better late than never.

So I broke my promise of once a week, who can blame me with my schedule lately. Packing and planning for the move coming up very quickly next week has both Jer and I gitty as school girls! Our eyes light up like kiddies on Christmas when we talk about it. But just as soon as we are in and trying to arrange our lives again, we are off to Hawaii. Yes WE are off. I get to go, baby in tow. Poor T-man will have to stay with Grandma this time which I'm sure will get me a very disgruntled toddler once we return. We will be spending one whole week, departing early Tuesday morning and returning in much the same fashion leaving Hawaii on a red-eye Monday night. We are torn as to which we are more excited for; rejoining society in our spacious new abode or the beaches and tropics of Kauai. I'm sure we'll manage to love and enjoy each equally for their own aspects.
And hopefully soon Mom and Curt will move out of Egypt and we will never have to pack a lunch to make the journey. Yes I exaggerate, but it really has become torture with all the traffic and construction. I can't wait to use the expression "I'm just gonna run down to..." and truly mean it. Or actually just meet someone for lunch or a drink and it not be half the day.
Tristan will really enjoy the park just down the street. I hope we have some good neighbors. That would be nice for a change. Not that we don't have nice neighbors or haven't in the past, just some more our age with possibly something in common. I will certainly not be missing Queen Creek. Where most people have some attachment to the place they grew up, I do not. It is still the hole I spent my young years in and still holds a lot of the icky past acquaintances I don't care to run into. It is what I want it to stay, a memory. Now that I have learned to create my own reality, I prefer to push the one priorly created for me into the past.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho.....

It's back to work I go on Monday. I hear that I may not have to put in two weeks in order for my maternity leave and medical to have been covered while I was out. We shall see. Although I am very excited to embark on my journey of motherhood, there is an anxiety there. I have never really been without a job for a long time. Not in the past 5 years anyway. And now to know I will not have a "job" for a few years is kinda freaky. Not that being a mom, let alone a stay at home mom is not work. It is the hardest work you can do. But without a paycheck or review and raises, how can I measure how I am doing?
I will miss my co-workers. I have been very lucky to work with a special group of people that in their own ways really do care for each other. We took great pride in our success as a team. I'll miss that. I really hope that after Jer and I rejoin civilized society I can see some of the girls on a more social basis. And speaking of that.....
We were informed this morning that we got the house we wanted. It's really nice, the amount of space we needed, green and pretty front and back and a spacious kitchen! I am so excited to move and am already planning my first dinner party!! Perhaps I will have a birthday party this year. Just an excuse to have people over, something we haven't done in a while. I will no longer be disappointed if I don't get to go to Hawaii, cause I'll have plenty to do in the new house!
Yesterday Jer and I celebrated 5 years married. We feel very lucky to be at such a great place in our relationship this early on, not that we didn't work to get here. Most people never find a place like this in a relationship, not even with their spouse. I really feel like I am getting it all; a husband that I have known for 12 years who loves and cherishes me like every woman hopes for, two beautiful, healthy boys that I now have the opportunity to stay at home with and raise, and we may actually be living in a home that is very close to what we will want to buy in the near future. But above all I am actually at a point that I can see how lucky I am and not take it for granted and for that I am truly grateful.

If only we could bottle all that energy....

Since Tristan learned to walk I have been trying to figure out how to harness a bit of his energy, pill and bottle it. Oh the millions we could make from desperate mommies everywhere! I'm sure the same enigma parents of toddlers have for centuries been pondering. Well tonight I am posting at 12:42. The entire house has been asleep for hours. I, on the other hand, have been completely rapped up in conversation with Lashelle. God I miss living closer to her. When we were both living entirely different lives and struggling to find common ground in which to hang out on, we lived so close. And now that our lives are taking the same path and we once again have novels to share, we are entirely too far apart.
Tonight she needed to vent. Family issues of a nature I can relate. I know how during these times it is so important to have an ear to listen that is totally on your side. That's always been her for me so I am grateful for the two and a half hours of uninterrupted time I could give her tonight. She's one of those few people you find in your life that no matter how different or similar paths you walk, you have a bond that crosses into spirituality. I strongly believe that she is part of my soul group, no other way to explain it.
I am so full of thoughts after talking to her. And as I pondered where all this was coming from, it dawned on me... caffeine. I had a liter of Dr.Pepper tonight! I haven't had caffeine in quite some time, I'm like a two year old with a Hershy bar!
1am. Tristan woke and needed assistance back to bed. Probably a place I should start thinking about. I'll just add it to the plethora of topics on list this evening. Like moving. I am so ready to move an hour drive out of my life. Granted I'm sure I'll be out to visit my parents, but I won't mind that once a week-ish. To be able to actually run to the store, or walk if so inclined.
I figure at this point the baby will be waking up soon, why not wait it out. But what if he sleeps til 4am again?? So I wake him and feed him. But then I am reinforcing waking up more often to nurse! Ahh the ramblings of a sleep deprived mad woman, aka: a mom.

And the COO's have it!

Zander has progressed into the little talker. Usually first thing after breakfast he can talk your ear off. Leaves me to wonder what it is he is chatting about. He has also taking a liking to mimicking facial expressions. I have yet to see Tristan catch on to our little ball of laughs, but once he does he'll have his own personal audience.
Now just because Zander has not caught Tristan's eye yet, does not mean the opposite has not happened. I was mid diaper change for Z-man, when Tristan rushed in with vital news. He babbled and yammered on frantically for a few minutes then dashed off after an abrupt "Aaa-kay!". I had heard the ooh-ing and ahh-ing going on from the floor but once I saw my wide eyed chunker I had to laugh. Poor guy was breaking his little neck trying to follow where Tristan had dashed off to, all smiles. Just makes me so excited and anxious for Zander to be hot on Tristan's heels.
As each day passes and Zander pushes the 7week mark, I am astonished at how fast time flies. As a preggie I couldn't wait another day for him to be out. And now I kick myself for each day that passes that is not caught on film. I realize that just as the days of Tristan's coo's have passed so quickly into memory, so will Zander's. And some day I will find myself digging through old photos and memories to tell their girlfriends, wives, and someday children all about my babies.

Family Bonding

Zander has become so much more aware this past week. If you catch his eye you may just get a warm fuzzy smile or a gleeful coo. He will shriek in delight and gurgle the sweetest sounds, none of which were the case today... more so this afternoon.
We had made plans to venture to the "farm", aka Jer's office. Our plans: to BBQ and swim, enjoying a family filled Fourth of July. We packed up all preparations and Zander's swing to keep him entertained. I even braved buying a new bathing suit and putting my pale body in it to swim.
I'd swear he ate all but the first half hour we were there. And in that half we unpacked, I pumped, and we decided to jump in the pool before baby awoke. Tristan was all suited up in his swim attire, the safety vest, but refused to get in the pool. He seemed to be afraid, something that has never been the case before. He has always loved to swim, but alas today he cried in torture as we begged him to swim with us.
We no sooner stopped begging the 2 year old, and the baby woke up to eat. I dried and fed him the entire 4ounces I pumped. Jer got out to cook our burgers and with cooking and eating time, 20 minutes, Zander-man was fussing again. I prepped another 2ounces but he fell back asleep. So back into the pool when...... the demanding cries of an infant withering away to nothing. Jer's turn. Z-man pounded down the 2ounces and took an additional 2.5 from me. I thought he had to be done. We swam a last little bit and Tristan was dirty and wearing thin from playing in the outdoor heat. T and I took a quick shower and dressed. I could hear Zander talking back to Jer in the living room. I knew his teasing coos were turning to hunger pains. I zipped around to clean up our mess and before I could finish I was high in demand.
I know this child does not suffer form failure to thrive; heck he looks to be 2months old! I moved up to 3-6 month clothes and may have to move up a size in diapers soon also. Does Wal-Mart happen to exchange the wrong size diapers?? I just love his fat cheeks so much; I could just munch on them! He is just a sweetie though, growing like a weed. I couldn't have asked for a better baby.
I have to throw in how proud I am of my little man. Tristan, for tackling his 2s, has done great adjusting to Zander. I know I feel worn through some days, but I am truly blessed by my family. My boys are healthy, smart, and happy. I have a wonderful husband who adores me as much as I do him. We have the same aspirations for our lives and children. When I think of what others are going through in their everyday, I realize how blissful I should be. Funny how you have to look outside, to see the beauty within.

For the very first time

I had originally intended to start this journal after returning home from the hospital with Zander. I had wanted to record my initial feeling and experiences of staying at home with two boys two years apart. But as any mom of a newborn will tell you, they leave little time for matters that do not immediately need attention. So you can imagine my life with a newborn and a two year old! I had thought staying at home would leave me with more time to get to my scrap booking, start a journal that documents my new adventure of stay-at-home mom to two young boys, or hell, paint my toenails! But alas, this is the first I have done of any of my good intentions. Between all the diaper changes, meals, nursings, pumpings, clothing changes, dishes, laundry, cleaning up of messes, all while recovering from less than adequate sleep, I find little time to do the less than important tasks that would require me to not have two-year old assistance. But this is my commitment to making time. If even on a weekly basis.
Zander Turned one month old yesterday and I can't think of anything I did in the past month. You can however see what Zander did this month... in his chubby thighs, his pudgy cheeks and the oh so round piggy belly. He has become quite the chunker for a baby his length! He looks two months old already. And I am amazed at how different he is from Tristan at his age, both in looks and in personality. He is more vocal with his tone. Tristan would just cry and scream when attention was desired; Zander seems to be more conversational about it. At least for a one month old.
Tristan has bloomed into an all out two year old. His words are getting clearer, but he gets frustrated really fast. He can throw a monster of a tantrum, but not too often. If only he would stay out of the fridge! It's not like he's getting something to eat or drink... perhaps it's just too hot!
I so can't wait for the weather to cool back down, but I have a wait before that happens. Once we can go swimming we'll be in good shape. But to be stuck inside the large portion of the day can get to you. And once we move back to civilization and it's not such an excursion to go to the mall just to walk around or have play dates we'll be great. T-man just needs an outlet for all his toddler energy.
I suppose that I am not officially a stay-at-home mom yet since I technically still have a job to go back to, all be it for a short time. And those couple of weeks should be interesting. I'm sure they will be as much of a haze as this past month has been.
So I have completed my very first entry to what I hope becomes a significant outlet for my busy weeks of motherhood. I hope to fill it with our everyday little triumphs, my goals and ideals, and those thoughts I keep losing cause I haven't wrote them down! Let's set our first goal small and commit to once a week, but more often if children permit.